


HOPELESS LOVERS

by EdgarLee



Category: Mystic Messenger
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Kissing, Lots of Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, The story of why zen hates Jumin and how their relationship mends, idk how to tag, quite a bit of angst sorry loves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:35:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24217507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdgarLee/pseuds/EdgarLee
Summary: Mc: Why don’t they get along very well?Yoosung: Zen and Jumin have always been incompatible since as long as I can remember707: to be honest, they used to get along when they first met. Or at least I thought707: maybe they had a lovers spat!Mc: are you joking?“That was the burning point of Zen’s hatred for the man. The reason he so carefully warned Mc not to get close to him. Why he always fought with the trust fund kid. Why he never accepted his help. They had a past and it was a past that the other had simply broke.”
Relationships: Han Jumin/Zen | Ryu Hyun
Comments: 18
Kudos: 85





	1. HOPELESS ROMANTIC

Zen met Jumin because of Rika and V. Rika was a fan and wanted to introduce him to Jumin to help further his career. 

When they first made eye contact Zen couldn’t help but admit to himself that the man was attractive. Zen was comfortable with his sexuality, and being in the entertainment business he wasn’t afraid of being bisexual, just not openly. Though he trusted that the RFA was a secretive business and Rika would keep it a secret for him until he decided to come out. 

When he first met Jumin he thought he was attractive. But his attitude could use some work. He reminded him of his brother and he hated to admit that because he was so unfairly handsome. 

But what really attracted him wasn’t the weird similarity to his brother nor his broad shoulders but instead the distant look in his eyes. He acted like a robot but Zen’s been around enough emotionally mute people to understand it’s a coping mechanism. 

Zen removed his sunglasses and gave the dark haired man a wink as a greeting and reveled in the light flush to his cheeks and confused eyebrow raise he got in return. Adorable. 

“Zen, Nice to meet you Jumin.” Zen spoke. 

“Nice to meet you as well.” The other spoke. His voice was deeper than he’d expected but it made him even more attractive. “Zen, I’ve heard you are a good actor and a great model. Would you like to model for my company?”

Ah so that’s what this is. Charity from the rich. 

“I’m afraid I’ll have to pass.” He likes to work for his own passions, not cheat with money. What a shame, Zen thought, he was a cute one too. 

“Oh,” the man looked surprised, like he’d never been rejected before. “I see then.” Zen didn’tknow what to say next and neither did Mr. trust fund kid. 

“Zen, why don’t you think about Jumin’s offer for a bit longer!” Rika suggested. 

“I’m afraid my answer won’t change. I don’t need money to further my career, I’m afraid I’m not a charity case.” Zen said and Jumin seemed more shocked. Zen figured it must’ve been from his statement on not needing money. Of course someone like him wouldn’t get it. 

“Well, then I suppose we should all get something to eat instead though right? Even if you won’t accept the offer we can all still be friends!” Rika said with a smile and V quickly agreed with the girl. 

That was Zen’s first time meeting Jumin. The other times he’d met him their encounters seemed distant. They didn’t know how to communicate or relate to each other at all but there was something about Jumin that made Zen always walk up to him and act like they were best friends since day one. 

“Hey there Jumin!” The white haired male said, swinging an arm around the taller man. 

“Why are you always so touchy?” The man asked and Zen ignored the cold tone that the man naturally had. 

“I’m just really physically affectionate but you’ll get used to it!” Zen smiled at the man’s eye roll. At least he got a reaction out of the robot like man, it was a start. “So how are you? Busy with the company?”

“Like usual. I don’t do much else. Why aren’t you conversing with the guests rather than with me?” Jumin took a sip from his wine in his hand and Zen tsked. 

“Because you need some social interaction too, plus I’m getting tired of all of the women hanging onto me. I know I’m beautiful but still, I don’t need them ripping my arms off.” Zen said with exaggerated hand movements. 

“How pitiful.”

“I know right?” Zen said a click of his fingers to punctuate his point. 

“I was being sarcastic.” Jumin looked at him from the corner of his eye but Zen knew he had his full attention. 

“You always sound sarcastic so I take everything seriously typically, but thank you for telling me the difference. Anyway as I was saying!” Zen continued. “These women are going to end up ripping me to shreds with how much they cling to me.”

“Why don’t you just tell them to go away?” Zen looked at Jumin incredulously. 

“Because they don’t leave and I’m a gentleman with my words. I will not tell off a woman just because it’s tiring, that’s just impolite and so not beautiful.” 

“Right.” Zen could tell the man was confused. 

“Whatever, I’m guessing you don’t have these issues with women.”

“No, I just ignore them and they leave... eventually.” When Jumin looked at Zen he frowned at the man’s expression of disbelief. 

“This is why you’ve been single your whole life.”

“So?” Jumin seemed to take offense. “I don’t care if I’m single. I have Elizabeth.”

“Nope! Don’t even mention the fur ball! I’m going to sneeze!” Zen moved his arms out like he was going to fall and noticed he still had his arm around Jumin’s shoulder. He didn’t mind though, it was comfortable and warm next to the man, he really was too attractive for his own good. Sadly robotic and uncourteous was not Zen’s type. 

“She’s not a fur ball. She’s a lady.”

“Says the man who is rude to every female identifying being on the planet!” Zen practically groaned. 

“Well at least I don’t flirt with anything that stands.” Zen paused. 

“Aw is someone jealous?” Zen grinned and winked at the taller man who looked seriously confused. 

“Why would I be jealous? We’ve already been over this, I don’t like flirting with women.”

“No, could it be you’re jealous of me flirting with them and not you?” Zen watched the cog wheels turn in Jumin’s head. 

“Why would I be jealous?”

“Ah! Nevermind it’s useless!” Zen sighed and leaned further against the man’s side. He’s seriously warm, and a bit taller than Zen. If his attitude was different then he could very easily be his type but... Jumin was too dense for his own good. Zen found himself watching the man’s face. 

“Zen?”

“Hm?” Zen’s eyes widened at the palm against his head. 

“Are you alright? You don’t have a fever but your face is red.” Zen stared at the man. 

“Huh?” His heart seemed to beat wildly. “Ah! No nothings wrong! I’m fine! Just tired I guess.” 

“Do you need to be driven home? I could ask driver Kim-“

“No I’m fine, you busy your employee’s asses enough, I’m just going to go get some water.” Zen couldn’t handle the concern on the man’s face, it was too cute and too odd. 

“You sure?”

“Yup!” Zen’s tone of voice must have risen a couple notches but he didn’t spend too much attention on it as he made his escape. 

What is wrong with him? He was just thinking about how Jumin could never be his type...was he wrong? Was he gaining feelings for him? 

There was only one way to find out. Flirt with him. 

The few days after the party went by and the next time Zen saw Jumin in person was at an RFA gathering to congratulate everyone on their party the couple days before. He had a rose and had planned to give it to the man, if he was lucky then he’d know Zen was flirting with him, if he wasn’t then Jumin would continue to be dense. 

Zen saw the dark haired man walk down the side walk on his way to the cafe they were all told to meet up at. 

“Jumin!” Zen flagged down the taller man and smiled at him as he looked up from his phone. “Over here!” The man made his way to Zen and Zen hid the rose behind himself. 

“Zen, you’re here. Aren’t we meant to meetup at the cafe?” Jumin asked with a curious tilt to his head. 

“Yes but i wanted to meet up with you first. Here,” Zen handed Jumin the rose with a wink and his grin widened when the man took it into his hands. 

“A rose? What for?” Jumin asked. 

“Uh,” Zen said eloquently, he hadn’t planned what to say. “Just appreciating you as a member!” He panicked. Jumin looked unsure. 

“It will die even if I place it in a vase...” the man murmured. 

“Did you want a fake one?” Zen rolled his eyes. 

“Well it would’ve lasted longer.”

“Seriously Jumin do you not have a single romantic bone in your body?!” Zen yelled in frustration and ran his fingers through his bangs. 

“Romantic? Then this is a courtship?” Jumin asked with another tilt. Cute. 

“Of course you idiot!” 

“Oh... I see.” Jumin seemed speechless and it made Zen restless. 

“So, what do you say?” 

“Um, well the flower will die...”

“About my courtship as you put it! Not the damn flower Jumin!”

“Oh! Um well, we don’t really know each other that well.” Zen took it as encouragement when Jumin didn’t bring up the fact that they were both men. 

“Well, then I’ll just continue to court you until you agree to a date and we can get to know each other,” Zen said with a proud puff to his chest, and a wink to Jumin. The man blinked. 

“Right... well then I should have Driver Kim take these to my apartment to put them in a vase.” Zen let a smile slide onto his face as he watched the man call his driver. 

The next time he tried his courtship as Jumin had put it, they had passed each other in the halls of the CEO’s own building. Zen was visiting for a modeling shoot for one of their advertisers that he’d agreed too only because Seven needed it for his new product. Zen still refused to advertise for Jumin’s company. 

When Zen had passed the CEO he had held up his phone and shook it next to his ear while mouthing the words “call me.” Zen loved the confused expression on the man’s face but sure enough later that night he had called him. 

“What did you want?” Jumin’s voice filtered through Zen’s speaker and he felt a smile slip on his face as he towel dried his hair; he let the towel hang around his shoulders as he moved about in his kitchen. It felt nice being able to walk around shirtless and with his hair down, he’d been anticipating Jumin’s call all day. 

“What can’t I just call you? Do I need a reason?” Zen waited for the man’s response. 

“Well, not really but I figured you’d had a reason... if you don’t then I suppose I should go-“

“Ah wait!” Zen said. “Don’t go! I want to talk more!”

“...” the sound of rustling filtered through the phone. “Well alright then, go ahead and talk.”

“Oh Um, right. How was your day?” Zen asked and continued his search through his fridge. He decided on a cup of iced water instead of beer, he wanted to be sober for this rare call. 

“Busy as per usual. I had a meeting with another CEO about jointing franchises. He didn’t seem too happy about it which makes no sense since it would only increase his company’s ratings. He seemed to care too much about his name being on it though so it fell through.” 

“Mm,” Zen hummed. “Sounds stressful.” Zen leaned back in his couch seat and closed his eyes, listening to Jumin’s voice filter through the phone. 

“I suppose, but I don’t have time for emotions like that.”

“You can though, you know. You’re allowed to feel Jumin.” Zen said. The other line went silent. 

“It’s useless in business.”

“Perhaps but you are allowed to feel and be stressed.”

“It will do me no good.”

“It’s healthy.” Zen sighed. “It does your mind good and your heart. To let yourself feel.”

“.... I don’t need it.” Jumin said. 

“Hm. Well alright, it’s not my business to judge you on your personal decisions.”

“Why did you want to call Zen?”

“To hear your voice.” Zen said simply. 

“My voice?”

“Of course.” 

“Why?”

“Because hearing it calms me...”

“... I don’t see how but if it does then, I assume something happened today?”

“Not in particular but, my manager was being a prick so I guess I needed it a bit. The photographer Seven had wasn’t the nicest and my manager decided to be even more uptight just to impress him. I don’t think Seven knew the photographer personally.”

“I see.” 

“Mm.” Zen let the line go quiet and heard the man sigh on the other line. “Tired?” Zen asked. 

“You have no idea.” 

“Aw cute, you should get some sleep.”

“I’m not cute, and maybe I should. Though I’d have to end the call.”

“Ah! I don’t want that!” Zen whined. 

“But I want to sleep.”

“Just video call me so I can see your face and we can fall asleep on the phone together!” Zen suggested. Jumin went silent. 

“Why?”

“Because I want to.”

“Why?”

“Because I like to see the face of the man I have feelings for.”

“You have feelings for me?”

“Of course I do. What do you think this courtship is for?” Zen used air quotes around courtship knowing full well Jumin couldn’t see them. 

“I see, well if I can sleep and it will help you sleep then I suppose I don’t mind..” Zen smiled then suddenly remembered. 

“Ah wait! Let me put on a shirt real quick!”

“Right, I’ll change as well so I can sleep comfortably.” 

“Then I’ll see you soon?”

“Yes,” Jumin said and ended the call from his line. Zen smiled at the Id on his phone and sat up from the couch. He threw on a tank top and set his glass in the sink. He then moved to his bedroom and laid down on his bed and turned on his bedside lamp, waiting for Jumin to call. 

When he got an incoming video chat notification he instantly connected the call. 

“That was fast.” Jumin’s pixeled face became clear on his phone’s screen. 

“Of course!” Zen said with a smile. “I was waiting for you.”

“I see.” Zen watched the man who seemed to be laying down on his side and looking into the phones screen. “What are you staring for?” The man asked. 

“Nothing, you just look beautiful even though you are wearing rich silk pajamas.” Zen sighed playfully. 

“What am I supposed to wear? A tank top like you?” Zen thought about Jumin in a tank top and felt his face flush. 

“On second thought, the silk suits you.” Jumin furrowed his brows and hid a yawn behind his hand. 

“Sleepy?” Zen asked. 

“A bit.” Zen smiled at the tired look on Jumin’s face. Zen felt himself start to nod off. His eyes seemed to shut on their own. And just like that Zen fell swift asleep. 

When his eyes opened again he saw Jumin watching him with a lazy smile on his face and calm eyes. 

“You’re still awake? Cutie,” Zen spoke with a gruff scratchiness. 

“I’m not cute.”

“Just believe me when I say.” Zen said. 

“That sentence doesn’t make sense.”

“Hush, I’m tired. Go to sleep Mr. CEO nighthawk.” Zen heard Jumin grumble bitterly and smiled as the man closed his own eyes. “Goodnight.” His grin widened when he heard a Goodnight muttered in return. 

The next couple days passed like a dream. Zen had been flirting with Jumin one day like usual and Jumin had actually responded. That was how Zen landed a date with the young CEO and why he stood outside of the man’s apartment with nervous hands holding a rose. A fake one this time, so it wouldn’t die. 

“Ok, calm down Zen.” He breathed in and out and whispered to himself. He turned to the door and knocked. He was prepared. When Jumin opened the door it felt like Zen lost all of his breath. “Hi.” He breathed. 

“Hello.” Jumin said. He was wearing casual clothes. He was wearing jeans. This is not a drill. Jumin Han young CEO and three piece suit fanatic was wearing jeans, a light striped shirt, and a tasteful cardigan. He looked good. And Zen was standing there like a flabbergasted idiot. 

“Oh Um, this is for you!” Zen pushed the fake rose toward Jumin and watched his expression turn from neutral to surprise. 

“It’s fake.”

“Well yeah,” Zen scratched the back of his neck. “You were complaining about the real one dying so I figured if this one is fake it won’t die.”

“Mm... thank you.” Jumin said and Zen watched his face. He smiled when he noticed the expression. He appreciated it. 

“Well should we get going?” Zen asked. Jumin nodded and set the rose down in a conveniently empty vase by the front of his door. Zen figured Jumin had predicted his love for flower giving. 

Zen held out his arm and smiled wider when Jumin took it without hesitation. 

The date was nice. Zen wanted to take a motorcycle ride but Jumin was adamantly against it and after descriptions and reasoning as to why Jumin did not want to ride the so called death trap, Zen sighed and agreed to instead drive Jumin’s car. Jumin was not allowed to touch the steering wheel though, Zen was the obvious choice of driver. Jumin asked why he wouldn’t let Driver Kim drive them but Zen had to explain how unromantic a third wheel is and then had to explain what a third wheel is to the young CEO. 

They had eventually arrived at a nice hill and had a picnic of whine and sandwiches as well as Zen’s couple cans of beer for his own pleasure. Jumin looked disgusted as Zen “ruined his palate” with the beer right after drinking the wine. 

But it was nice. Especially when the two watched the sunset and Zen felt Jumin lean his head against his shoulder. Zen felt a smile rise to his lips at the first sign of physical affection the man had probably ever showed. In return Zen had grabbed the man’s hand and held it softly in his own. 

The date ended with no kiss but Zen figured baby steps. 

Zen walked Jumin up to his apartment and was about to bid him goodnight when he noticed the man acting strange. 

“Jumin is everything alright?” Zen watched the man look down at his feet. 

“Why don’t you stay the night.” Zen’s eyes widened. That was not baby steps. 

“I- Jumin I can’t possibly- this was our first date it’s not gentlemanly to stay over night on the first date.” 

“Oh, I see.” Zen watched the director’s face droop. 

“Maybe on the second date though, how about next weekend, are you free?” Jumin seemed to perk up. 

“Of course, how does Saturday night sound?”

“Sounds perfect. I’ll even call you when I get home ok? So you don’t miss me too much,” Zen winked and Jumin nodded. “Well then, goodnight.” Jumin nodded again and muttered a goodnight before closing his apartment door. 

When Zen made it home he called Jumin and they both fell asleep with smiles on their faces. 

The next week went by in a blur but Jumin seemed to be acting strange. So strange that Zen received a call in the middle of the day whilst he was getting ready for a rehearsal. 

“Hey what’s up?” Zen answered the phone when he saw Jumin’s caller ID. 

“Zen, you love your job don’t you?” The man’s deep voice filtered in through the phone and the question left Zen confused. 

“Yeah why?” He answered. 

“I don’t want to ruin your image.” Jumin sounded emotional which was uncommon for the male. 

“Jumin if it means I can’t be with you then I don’t care about my image!” Zen said. Where was he getting this from?

“But Zen your image is everything-“

“I don’t care! You’re everything too! I won’t compare my lover to my job. And if I would then my lover goes above it. If my fans don’t like my relationship than they aren’t my fans. Ok Jumin?” Zen tried his best to explain his feelings and it seemed to get through to the man for the most part. 

“Yes, I understand. I apologize for being so emotional.” Zen let a small smile tilt his lips. 

“You know I love it when you’re emotional.”

“...you do?” 

“Of course, I want to hear and see every emotion you have Jumin.” Zen said and figured the silence from Jumin were the words computing in his brain. “Ah I’d love to talk more, love but I seriously have to go! I’m almost late for rehearsals.”

“Alright. I apologize for taking so much of your time, have a good day and make sure you eat.” Zen smiled. 

“Of course, and make sure you eat too babe, bye bye! Muah!” Zen ended the call and quickly rushed out the door. He seriously couldn’t be late to this rehearsal. 

Saturday came fast and before he knew it, it was already time for their second date. Zen was more nervous for what would be happening afterwards though more than the actual date. 

This time Jumin had decided to plan the date and was taking Zen out to dinner. Zen knew Jumin was mainly looking forward to after dinner though. Zen didn’t know if they were going to actually be intimate or not though, he’d only promised to stay over but he had no idea as to what Jumin had in mind. He simply didn’t know enough about his boyfriend yet. Know one did in that aspect. So it was only natural that he felt nervous. 

Jumin had Driver Kim pick up Zen and bring him to the restaurant they were to meet at. When Zen exited the car he noticed the lavish looking decals on the buildings name and he felt grateful that he dressed up appropriately with a black button down, red vest, and white coat with white slacks and black dress shoes. His tie was also a similar red to his vest and his ponytail had a black bow in it. 

Zen calmed his breathing before he entered the building and met up with Jumin at their booth. When he saw the taller man he took note of his new suit. Even though Zen was used to seeing the man in suits it seemed to look even nicer on him in the restaurant’s ambient lighting of French candles. 

Jumin wore a white button down, not striped, with a striped vest, (one could only dream Jumin would stop with the pinstripe obsession) and charcoal grey suit coat and slacks. His wrist wore a watch and his tie was a royal blue that matched the pinstripes on his vest. He looked nice and Zen felt his tension ease the moment he sat in front of him. He’d missed seeing Jumin in person and his presence always calmed him down. 

“You look nice.” Jumin complimented Zen and he held back a blush. 

“So do you,” Zen smiled and Jumin mirrored it. They ordered, Jumin helped Zen pronounce the French words, and talked during their meal. It was nice, albeit uncomfortable for Zen, with Jumin it was easier. He could get used to dinners like these, he thought. It was nice to dress up and show off to others around them and the other patrons at the restaurant were unaware of both of the men’s social status so it was comfortable. 

After dinner, Jumin walked Zen to the car and they both entered. Driver Kim then drove them to Jumin’s penthouse. Though when Zen entered he noticed it was a different one. 

“I didn’t want you having a reaction over Elizabeth so I had Driver Kim drive us to my vacation penthouse, this one has a garden I quite enjoy.”

“I see, it’s beautiful.” Zen said looking around in silent awe. Zen felt eyes on him and turned to see Jumin watching him. “What’s wrong?”

“Hm? Oh nothing..” he said. 

“I don’t believe that, what’s up.” Zen watched Jumin seem to mull something over in his mind. 

“Can I kiss you?” Zen’s eyes widened but he nodded slowly. Jumin stepped into Zen’s space and placed a gentle hand at the small of his back, and a hand at the white haired male’s neck, bringing him closer. Zen tilted his head up and connected his lips with the other male’s. Zen’s hands fisting the front of Jumin’s suit. The kiss was gentle but soon became a chance to explore the other. Zen opened readily for the taller man and held back a moan at the feeling of the man’s tongue exploring his mouth. 

They parted with matching breaths and hooded eyes. Zen held the back of his hand against his mouth, he hadn’t expected a kiss like that. Jumin continued to watch the male with hooded eyes and an unfocused gaze. Zen felt Jumin’s hand wander from his neck to his cheek to caress a stray lock and place it behind his ear. Zen moved his hand from his mouth back down to Jumin’s chest. 

“Jumin?” Zen started. 

“Stay.”

“What?” Zen didn’t understand what Jumin meant by the single word. 

“Stay here with me... forever. We don’t ever have to leave this room.” Zen’s eyes widened. 

“Jumin we can’t do that,” Zen chuckled but it soon died in his throat at the serious expression Jumin was giving him. “We both have jobs and the RFA will get worried Jumin. Be realistic.”

“So you won’t stay with me?”

“What do you mean?”

“Will you leave me?” Jumin asked and Zen noticed his unfocused eyes. This was a side of Jumin he’d never seen before. 

“I won’t leave you, but I won’t stay in this penthouse forever. Anyways, what about Elizabeth?”

“I don’t need her if I have you,” Jumin’s hand at the small of Zen’s back seemed to tighten its grip on the mans waist. 

“You aren’t comparing me to a cat are you?” Zen asked with a nervous laugh. 

“Well you don’t have ears and a tail but that could be arranged.”

“Come on Jumin, you’re seriously freaking me out. I’m not a pet. You love Elizabeth, you wouldn’t just abandon her like that... would you?”

“You two share the same purpose. With you I feel calm and emotionally in control. With her it’s the same but different. I can’t completely communicate with her so I would choose you over her.” Jumin’s voice held a weird tone. 

“I’m flattered that you choose me over your fur ball but, Jumin this isn’t like you. Maybe I shouldn’t have come...”

“No you promised me you’d stay the night, just stay the night at least. Please! I’ll even make you pancakes in the morning and read to you if you can’t sleep!” Jumin’s voice seemed to regain some of its usual composure and Zen nodded. He had promised after all. Jumin was probably just tipsy from the wine, to be saying stuff like this. 

“Alright.” Zen leaned up and captured a kiss from the man before making his way further into the penthouse and taking his heavy coat off. Jumin seemed stuck in the doorway, carefully brushing his fingers across his lips. “Come on Jumin, you promised me a bed time story, love!” Zen joked and Jumin snapped out of it. He nodded and took off his coat as well. 

“Let me get you some pajamas to change into.” Jumin said and Zen nodded. After Jumin handed a change of clothes to Zen he showed the man the bathroom and let him change while he himself changed in his closet. 

Zen looked at himself in the wide mirror in the bathroom and wondered what the man’s mood had been about. “Weird.” He muttered to himself but shook his head and changed his clothes. 

When he exited the bathroom he saw Jumin waiting for him in the kitchen. When Jumin turned around he looked Zen up and down. 

“My clothes look good on you...” Zen felt his face flush. 

“Well, of course I can pull anything off.” Zen chuckled. Jumin nodded. 

“I agree.” Jumin walked closer to Zen and wrapped his arms around the smaller man. Zen smiled an reciprocated the embrace. 

“Why don’t we head to bed, I’m feeling quite tired.” Jumin nodded. 

“Are you comfortable with sharing a bed?”

“As long as you aren’t a blanket hog,” Zen teased and Jumin shook his head. 

“I’m not.”

“Then good.” 

Zen and Jumin laid in the bed and Zen turned on his side to face Jumin. He grabbed the man’s sleeve and smiled when he turned to look at him. 

“Could you hold me?” Jumin’s eyes widened but he nodded, opening his arms for the shorter actor. Zen curled close and held onto the director tightly, enjoying his smell and embrace. The two fell fast asleep. 

Zen awakes that morning to pancakes and a smiling Jumin. 

“Good morning,” Jumin says from the open kitchen. 

“Good morning.” Zen responds with a smile. He feels comfortable in the sheets and doesn’t want to move. 

“Did you sleep well?” Jumin asks as he plates their breakfast. 

“Mhm!” Zen’s hums are muffled by the pillow he’s sticking his face into. He hears Jumin give a low chuckle and the smell of pancakes and syrup waft through the air. Zen sits up with a stretch and notices a couple knots in his hair. 

“Ah! I didn’t braid my hair... now it’s all knotted.” Zen sighed. 

“You braid your hair?”Jumin says curiously. 

“Yes, when I sleep. It’s supposed to keep it from tangling too much but it’s fine, I’ll just have to spend some extra time brushing it.”

“I see, well how about we eat first then you can spend hours brushing your hair.” Zen slid his legs over and stood up, walking to the kitchen. 

“I don’t spend hours on my hair.” Zen huffs. 

“Hmm I don’t know, it looks like you do.” 

“Well I take that as a compliment.” Zen sat at the table the director was sitting at and let the man place a glass of water by his hand. 

“Do as you wish.” Zen took a bite of his breakfast and the two ate in a calm silence. 

Once they were finished Zen had a question. 

“Don’t you have work at the office today? It’s almost 9.” Jumin looked up from his seat at Zen. 

“I will not be going in today.”

“Why not?” 

“I want to stay here with you.” Zen felt a weird pressure from the man’s stare. 

“But you can’t just ignore work because of that.”

“No but I don’t think it’s safe if you leave.”

“And why is that?”

“What if you get photographed now that it’s daylight out and someone puts it together we’re together or worse, they start some heinous rumor that ruins your career.” Zen thought about it. It was possible and would be horrible if it happened but, it felt too much like an excuse. Zen looked back at the man and saw a sad look on his face. Zen sighed. 

“Ok, I will stay til it gets dark then I will leave. But you still should go to work.” 

“I can’t. How could I knowing you are at my home and I could be spending time with you rather than be at work and come home to an empty apartment.”

“You have Elizabeth.”

“It’s not the same. You are far better.”

“What are you even talking about Jumin?” Zen was starting to get seriously confused. “This is your beloved cat!” 

“And you are my beloved boyfriend. Ah but that sounds so fickle. What if we got married though, even fiancé sounds more permanent.” Zen was in utter disbelief by what the man was saying. Were these his repressed thoughts?

“We’ve been dating for a week, give me some more time before a proposal, love.” Zen chuckled and ignored the serious look on the man’s face, suggesting that it wasn’t a joke in the slightest. 

“I suppose if you truly need it. I should just enjoy my time that I have with you now then.” Jumin stood up and made his way to the closet. “Why don’t you change and we can lounge in the living room.” 

Zen looked at the man and nodded. The director had given him a pinstriped shirt and slacks to wear, at least he didn’t include the rest of the suit. Zen wondered how many copies of the same suit he truly had. 

When Zen exited the bathroom after changing he felt a pair of arms wrap around his middle from behind, as well as a head lean against his shoulder. 

“Ah, I had forgotten you’d merely gone to the bathroom to change and I thought you had left. I’m so glad you’re still here. Please don’t ever leave. Just stay.” Jumin grabbed Zen’s middle tightly and squeezed. 

“I’m right here Jumin.” Zen’s brows furrowed. The man was acting strangely. Maybe he thought this was normal, he hasn’t been in a relationship before so to Jumin anything could be normal. Zen wondered if it’d be alright. The man surely should have some common sense, or maybe how to treat someone respectfully in a relationship wasn’t common knowledge for all. The man certainly didn’t have any role models. 

The two spent the day in the living room. Jumin kept an arm around Zen and always had an article of his body touching his. It was quite cute but to the extent Jumin went it was almost suffocating without context. Why was Jumin so afraid of him leaving?

When night came Zen stood up to leave and Jumin grabbed his wrist. 

“Where are you going?” He had a worried expression and his eyes held fear. Zen had never imagined Jumin could hold an expression like that. 

“I have to leave. I have rehearsals tomorrow.” Jumin’s grip tightened. 

“Then stay the night and I’ll take you tomorrow.” Zen was starting to get annoyed. 

“The reason I stayed this late was so the possible chance of me being seen by reporters was slim to none Jumin. It’s counterproductive and contradictory to your previous thought process this morning if I stay the night.” Jumin’s lips pursed. 

Jumin stood up suddenly and dragged Zen behind him to the bed in the penthouse. 

“Jumin what are you doing all of a sudde-“ Zen’s words were cut off when he was pressed suddenly down onto the bed, his hands pinned as Jumin leaned over him on all fours. His expression was almost unreadable. So many conflicting looks passed on his face. 

“Stay.” The one word he spoke came out strong, a demand. 

“Jumin, are you forcing me right now?” Zen asked with a cold tone to his words. Disbelief edging into the sentence with a scoff. 

“Please...” Jumin uttered and his demanding tone changed to pleading. “Just stay with me...don’t ever leave!” 

Zen’s eyes widened as Jumin started to cry. His face was twisted in pain and tears streamed down onto Zen’s own face. 

Zen reached up a hand to touch Jumin’s face, using his fingers to brush away some of the tears he could reach. 

“Jumin.” Zen looked into the man’s eyes and seemed to gain a new composure. “I’m not a pet, nor am I someone you can cage. I’m a very independent person and I won’t let you tie me down into your home like this. This is not how relationships are supposed to be.”

“Are you saying you’ll leave me then?” Jumin’s face twisted to anger. “You promised you wouldn’t leave!” 

“I’m saying you don’t get to own me Jumin.” Zen tried his best to stay calm. He didn’t want to have a screaming match with someone who was obviously not in the right mind. This was a bad idea, staying over. Zen wished the man’s pride wasn’t so big that maybe he’d get therapy. He’ll try to suggest it after this mess. First he needs to get home and let Jumin be alone by himself to regain his mind. 

“Stay.” Jumin pressed a kiss to Zen’s lips and tasted the salt from his own tears. Zen hadn’t realized he’d started crying as well. “Stay.” He pressed another kiss. “Stay.” And another. 

Jumin peppered kisses all over Zen’s face. 

“Stay... please!” His voice was soar and throaty. His hands grabbed onto anything he could, trying to pull the man closer to him. “Stay!” He pressed another kiss to his lips. 

When he felt no response he let go and hovered over him to look at the white haired man. 

Zen stared at him absently with tears streaming down his face, an unreadable expression. He seemed to be looking through him. 

“Zen-“

“No.” Zen’s voice was calm, eerily calm. 

“Zen please... just stay, please!” Jumin begged and his hands moved to grab the man’s collar to beg him more but Zen grabbed his wrist. 

“You don’t get to keep me like a pet Jumin. That’s not the relationship I want.”

“Please... I just don’t want you to leave me.”

“I’ve already told you I won’t, you just have to trust me.” Zen’s eyes scanned the darker haired male’s face. “I knew it. You really can’t... huh.”

“I’m sorry but, what if someone takes you away from me?”

“They wouldn’t because I chose you. But you’ve taken my free will and I won’t be a victim in my own relationship Jumin. I’m sorry but I won’t do that to myself.” Zen sighed and closed his eyes, letting his body release the tension he felt. He watched the man struggle internally as he stayed hovering above him on all fours. His tears seemed to never stop but neither did Zen’s. 

“Stay.” The man said once again, dropping his head and not meeting eyes with Zen. 

“I need my free will.”

“...” Jumin fisted the sheets underneath his hands. “Please. I’ll do anything.”

“Then let me leave and I will promise you I will come back tomorrow and we’ll go on the third date you promised.” Zen tilted Jumin’s chin up to meet his eyes. 

The darker haired man seemed to be looking for something in his eyes. When he finally found it he sighed and spoke, “...ok.” 

When Jumin let him leave it was the last time Jumin called him and he never once spoke to Zen. 

Zen had come over the next day but Jumin wouldn’t let him in. A week later, Jumin had text Zen saying they were through and that he was merely afraid of the public’s opinion on their relationship if they were to come out. 

He said he was worrying about Zen’s career. 

Then when Mc had become a bigger member he’d used her as an excuse and said he met someone new. 

That was the burning point of Zen’s hatred for the man. The reason he so carefully warned Mc not to get close to him. Why he always fought with the trust fund kid. Why he never accepted his help. They had a past and it was a past that the other had simply broke. Zen wanted to further his relationship with the man, he felt he’d finally gotten through to him and seen his emotions only to be closed off and pushed away. 

Zen hated Jumin. But he mostly hated that he still loved him. 


	2. HOPELESS LOVERS

Zen could feel the sweat running down his body from under the heavy lights. The crowd was loud and the rush he got was unlike anything he’d ever experienced in theater. He was glad he accepted the offer to make his own album and perform live. 

He had just finished one of his songs and had one left before the night would be over. It was his last night on tour and it was a home tour. He’d been abroad for a week around Korea and he’d missed his town. But he was glad for the break, he didn’t have to see a specific CEO that he certainly wasn’t avoiding. 

It wasn’t until he noticed something in the crowd, a mop of black and a three pieced tailored suit. Zen lowly recognized the rest of the RFA members around the director but his gaze was focused. 

“I forgot the lyrics...” he muttered into the microphone and was thankful for the pleasant chuckles across the crowd. “But I know this part...” Zen tried not to make eye contact with Jumin. He really did, but it seemed like he was being pulled by a gravitational force stronger than his own will. “I love you.” He said and the beat of the song rapped high from the speakers and the crowd cheered. Zen quickly snapped out of his daze and got back into the song he was performing. He was only hoping the young director hadn’t noticed his gaze. 

The crowd after his concert was impressively large and he was escorted by body guards just to get out. Outside of the auditorium he entered a hall lined with reporters. 

“ZEN what’s your recent song about?” A large flash of a camera shown. 

“What’s your sexuality?” Another couple flashes. 

“Did you get broken up with?” The reporters seemed to trample each other. 

“Are you in a relationship?” More flashes of lights and no respect for personal space. 

The list of nonsensical questions went on. That’s right, he’d made a couple songs about Jumin, not that the CEO had noticed nor cared enough to listen to them, but it seemed the reporters had only figured he’d had a lover and they wanted a scoop. Frankly, Zen was tired from being abroad and from his performance and was not in the mood to be polite. 

“I’m very sorry for my comments that could comment on and come out harshly, would you like me to dance the way you want me for your photos? I have no interest in spilling my guts for an article. Now then, I have an after party to get to.” Zen grabbed his hat from the security guard who helped him get through and lowered his sunglasses to his eyes to avoid anymore reporters. 

When Zen finally got to the van he came in he sighed and opened up the newest chat room. 

Mc: Zen! You were wonderful up there! The crowd’s so big we’re still trying to fight our way out!

707: lololol who knew our Zen could become so famous

707: oh wait! I did! That’s why I spammed emails with your video lololol 

Zen: yeah, being abroad and singing was fun but I don’t think I’ll be doing it again anytime soon

Zen: I’m totally beat 

Yoosung: zen must be so exhausted... but not as exhausted as me right now, I came right over from a lecture and the professor just droned on for hourrrrsss! 

Jaehee: I think Zen is more exhausted. 

Jumin: Frankly I think we all are, could we spend less time in the chat room and more on actually getting out of this crowd?

Jumin: speaking of, assistant Kang I have a cat pulled up around the corner, it should be more than enough to fit all of us. 

Yoosung: oooh Jumin’s expensive driver is taking us to the after party? Awesome!

Mc: ...I want an expensive car from Jumin 

707: lololol what’s up with those chat options Mc?

Zen sighed and leaned his head back against the headrest in the van. He felt extremely grateful for every penny that went into this tour and this opportunity but he was exhausted. He really didn’t want to go to the after party but it was only common courtesy to be there and express his gratitude toward his sponsors. Zen looked back down at his phone and saw the rest of the members seemed to be on their way to the after party as well. 

Zen turned off his phone and watched the views go by as the driver drove to their destination. It was weird being driven places. It felt all too much for him, being catered too, having hotels paid for. What he loved the most was being on stage and singing his heart out. It was a good coping mechanism and it worked. 

Zen could admit that getting the silent treatment from his ex boyfriend was not fun. They hadn’t been dating long but Zen really had liked him, even still does. Jumin Han, he’s infuriating. It had been months almost a year since Jumin had completely shut him out and in that time they’d earned a new RFA member but, it still felt fresh to him. Every time the jerk appeared in the chat room it was a reminder. That he was simply an unemotional asshole. 

Jumin had even flirted with Mc! And all Zen could do was watch and warn the girl about the man’s inexperience and poor taste in relationship etiquette. But she hadn’t seemed to mind. Zen didn’t know what they were... they were close but they seemed still distant. Or maybe Zen was just hopeful. God, why was he even thinking like this, they were done with and would never be anything else ever again. Jumin had lost his chance with Zen, the white haired man had more self respect then to just let him crawl back so easily. Though Zen often wondered if Jumin cared at all... he’d just ignored him, cut him off as much as one could when you were both members in an organization. 

Zen shook his head and tried not to think too much about it. He didn’t want to put a damper on his mood when he was about to go to his own after party after having toured and performed for thousands upon thousands of his fans. 

When the driver let Zen know they’d arrived, Zen took great comfort in the cool breeze outside of the van. Entering the venue he saw many unfamiliar faces but soon spotted some of the RFA members. Jaehee was waiting for him by the entrance and he felt grateful he had such a good friend. 

“Zen! You were amazing out there! I only wish I could’ve seen all of your other performances too.” The girl said. Zen smiled at her enthusiasm. 

“Don’t worry, I’m sure you can find most of them online.”

“Yes but it doesn’t beat seeing it in person.” Zen chuckled and agreed. 

“Zen!” Zen turned to see a blonde figure running up to him. 

“Oh Yoosung!” 

“Your performance was amazing!”

“Naturally,” Zen boasted. Yoosung only laughed. Zen was about to say more when he noticed a sponsor who seemed to be looking around lost, he assumed he was looking for the man of the hour. “I’ve gotta go, I have to thank my sponsors but I’ll see you too later and don’t get too crazy without me!” Zen waved and Yoosung and Jaehee smiled and waved back. 

Zen didn’t care much for the conversation with the sponsor, it just seemed to be compliments and small talk. It blurred together so Zen didn’t really know. All he remembers was seeing a familiar figure in a suit and excusing himself from the sponsor to grab a glass of whatever the bartender was serving fastest. 

Zen really didn’t want to damage his mood of the night but the moment he saw the trust fund kid it was already damaged. Zen wanted to drink himself dead when he saw that Jumin and Mc had been talking closely in a corner to the right of his eye, but Zen refrained. He still had to get back to the hotel that night and then finish up some modeling in the morning for the album cover. He couldn’t be dead or hungover tomorrow so Zen settles for a comfortable numbing with the help of alcohol running through his veins. 

As if his night couldn’t get any worse, the man he’d been so desperate to avoid, decided to join him in his cozy corner of alcohol and people watching. 

“Zen,” 

“Trust fund kid.” Zen’s words were a little slurred but not entirely noticeable, he was an actor after all. 

“You seem to be enjoying yourself.” The man stated, voice as even and calm as usual. 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Zen said with a scoff and a large gulp of alcohol. He needed it in his veins and he needed it now. 

“No reason, it was a inefficient way of wording it I suppose. I was simply stating what I saw. A conversation starter if you will.” Zen rolled his eyes at the man’s over complication of everything. 

“Why start a conversation when you could just not?” 

“What do you mean?” The man seemed taken back. 

“I don’t particularly care for your company.”

“Oh I see.” Jumin said and Zen thought that’d be it. “And why is that?”

“God!” Zen yelled a bit louder than he meant to, in frustration. Maybe the alcohol was getting to him. “You’re so stupid it makes me want to kiss you!” Yup the alcohol was really getting to him. 

“What?” Jumin seemed more surprised than before. 

“But if I do than I might miss you...” Zen couldn’t seem to stop the literal word vomit from happening. “God, more than I already do.” 

Jumin’s surprise quickly turned to what Zen could recognize as concern. “I’m taking you back... you’re drunk.”

“I’m not drunk.” Zen slurred. Jumin ignored the man’s drunken squabbling and held an arm around his back to get him through the crowd and out of the venue. When fresh air hit their faces Zen felt sick. Maybe he was a little drunk. “Why are you even helping me?” Zen asked the taller man with a grimace, trying very hard not to vomit on the man’s very expensive shoes. Zen focused on his breathing no matter how tempting it sounded to ruin the CEO’s shoes as some belated form of revenge. 

“Because you’d do the same for me.” Zen had not expected that as a response. 

“You’re...so lovely.” Zen could hear the awe in his own voice but the look of incredulity sent his way made him regret his drunken thoughts from coming out. 

“Are you joking with me?” Jumin asked with all seriousness. 

“Shut up! I’m drunk!” Zen blushed. Zen liked the chuckle Jumin made. 

“So you admit it.” Zen grumbled to himself and leaned a bit harder into the man’s hold, trying to catch him off guard. But being the stuck up prick he is he didn’t even stumble. Jumin led Zen to the car they had drove in and Zen absently wondered what the other members would take to get back, then he thought Jumin would probably send them individual cars if one of them even suggested it so he didn’t worry. 

Zen didn’t remember the car ride much, his mind was fuzzy and he felt dizzy. God, he hated being shitfaced. 

Jumin helped Zen up to his hotel room because the man certainly couldn’t stand on his own. The walk, mostly stumbling on Zen’s part, was spent in silence. Zen didn’t mind it much for the screaming headache he had might have only gotten worse if he had to deal with the CEO’s far from humorous jokes. 

Jumin opened the door with one hand and helped Zen over to the bed in the room and Zen all but threw himself into the comfy confines of the hotels bedding. Zen could hear feet shuffling behind him and figured the other was moving to leave. Zen doesn’t know why he stopped him. Can’t even begin to fathom why he grabbed Jumin’s sleeve and looked at him the way he could only imagine must be a pout on his face. 

“Don’t leave...” Oh no, he was going to get emotional. This is why Zen only got shitfaced when he was alone. “You promised you wouldn’t leave and you did.” 

Zen’s head hung low and he refused to meet Jumin’s eyes. His grip on the sleeve remained and Zen sniffled trying to stop the tears from flowing. 

He hated being this vulnerable in front of Jumin. He hated being vulnerable in general but being vulnerable in front of Jumin was the worst because it was useless. The man didn’t seem to have any emotions, Zen thought he just hid them well, but the man seemed apathetic to anything that wasn’t his stupid cat. 

“I’m sorry.” Zen heard the man’s deep voice and he felt surprised. He didn’t expect an apology from him. He didn’t even think he wanted one, he just...he really just wanted him to stay. To make up for leaving without a word, ignoring him, and flirting with some other girl when he hadn’t even completely broken up with Zen. 

Zen felt the bed dip beside him and noticed Jumin was sitting close to him. Zen didn’t let go of his sleeve but he still wouldn’t look at him. Zen didn’t know what he wanted at that moment or what he hoped to achieve by spilling his heart out to the man. He just wanted it to stop hurting. 

“Zen?” The other asked and it sounded like concern. It was like a breaking point. 

Zen grabbed Jumin’s wrist instead of his sleeve and laid his head in the crook of his shoulder. His other hand came up and fisted the suit at his chest. Zen could feel himself shake but he ignored it. 

“You jerk.” Zen muttered through a choked sob. He could feel wetness on his face but he wasn’t registering anything yet. The first thing he did register was the hand that came up and rubbed at his back. Zen seemed to shake more. “Why did you leave?” Zen looked up at Jumin through tears in his eyes and he could see a pained expression on his face. Finally, some emotion. 

“I- I can’t explain it well.” Zen wanted to scoff or punch him or even reassure him but he didn’t do any of that. Instead he did the worst thing possible. He kissed him. But Jumin kissed him back. 

Zen felt like he was floating when Jumin slipped his hand into his hair and his other armheld him from his back. Zen gripped his suit and tried to pull him closer until Zen was on his back and Jumin was towering above him. Zen saw an unfamiliar look in his eye. Maybe it was unfamiliar because it seemed so emotional. Zen didn’t care, he just wanted Jumin to kiss him again. 

And so he pulled him down and kissed him. Again and again and again. Until they were bare before each other. And then he kissed him again. Every kiss seemed to strip away each hurtful insult, each halfhearted tease, each guilty moment. And Zen let himself burn from the embrace of the taller man. He let himself feel what being loved by Jumin was like for one last time, because he knew come morning, the fantasy would be over. 

Zen woke to warmth and a crick in his back. The sheets of the hotel’s bedding was soft and the light from the curtains was contrastingly warm. But none of it compared to the burn of the man’s arm strung across his waist and his chest against his back. Zen didn’t want the burning to end but he knew he’d made a mistake. He couldn’t believe it himself when he opened his eyes and saw the man’s hand strewn across his stomach leisurely. 

Zen wanted to cry. He wished he could have this but now he was just teasing himself it seemed. He knew this couldn’t be his reality simply because the other man left and ignored him. So then, why did he hold Zen the way he had last night? Why had he kissed him? Why had he massaged his back when he’d been a little too rough? Why had he held Zen afterwards? Why hadn’t he just left or pushed him away? Why did he have sex with him in the first place? The man was always talking about how much he was against two people living together before marriage among other things so why? 

Why did he give Zen so much hope when it was all for naught? 

The other man started to stir and Zen knew he needed to leave. Zen quickly located his clothes and slipped out from under Jumin’s hand. The man was still asleep it seemed. Zen didn’t pay much attention, he was too focused on buttoning up his shirt and leaving; Nevermind the fact that it was his hotel room. He was checking out that day anyway. He’d grabbed his stuff and left as fast as he could. 

He called over a cab and when he was safely in his basement apartment that he’d missed so much after a long week away, he couldn’t help but feel sick. Why? It kept running through his mind. Was Jumin messing with him? Why tease him like this? The man must have known he still cared for him, especially after all of the things he’d said. 

Zen rested his back against the door and slid into a heap of limbs on the floor. His body began to shake and he let himself cry for the second time in the past two days. Zen didn’t cry often, it was one thing that made acting so hard, he physically could not cry at times. His directors didn’t mind most of the time though because Zen was able to control the emotion in his voice and plays were usually seen from afar so no one could really tell as long as he was a good enough actor for it. And yet here he was, crying over Jumin Han. 

“God, what have I done? I’m such an idiot!” 

Zen didn’t know how long he sat there until he decided to get up and shower. When he got out he saw he’d missed a couple chat rooms and a call from his manager who helped him set up the tour. He sent his manager a quick text in response and continued dressing. He had to meet with his director on his next show that had already been pre-scheduled. 

When Zen came home that night he fell fast asleep and ignored the buzzing of chat rooms at midnight. 

The next morning Zen groaned and decided to finally check the chat rooms. 

Mc: Jumin what did you think of Zen’s performance?

Jumin: what do you mean?

Mc: it was good wasn’t it?

Jumin: the fans seemed to enjoy it. 

Mc: hm I guess you’re right, but I’m a big fan of Zen’s 

Jumin: I can see that

Zen has entered the chat room 

Mc: hey Zen~

Zen: hello princess! 

Zen: have you eaten yet?

Mc: Yep! Have you?

Zen: not yet 

Mc: make sure you eat

Zen: I will 

Zen: how about you trust fund kid?

Jumin: ?

Zen: have you eaten? I can only imagine you’re still in your pajamas just watching the sunrise from your stupid penthouse window

Jumin: you’ve been thinking about me all this time, imagining me in my pajamas 

Zen: oh my god

Jumin: you don’t have feelings for me do you?

Zen: OMG

Zen: DUDE

Zen: Finally you’ve gone crazy

Zen: i hate the fact that he must be smiling right now

Jumin: I can’t help but smile

Zen: Ugh 

Zen: whatever I don’t want to talk about this anymore 

Zen:Anyways, 

Zen: ...i just wanted to say that I don’t need Jumin 

Zen: I’ll be perfect in my new role

Jumin: I see that I’ve unknowingly motivated you

Zen: omg

Jumin: I’m glad to have been helpful. 

Zen: it’s only because you’re a jerk!

Zen: whatever 

Zen: I should stop wasting time

“You jerk how am I supposed to stop loving you?” Zen says in the emptiness of his room. “Oh I guess I’ll never know.”

The next morning Zen tried harder then ever to find the motivation to leave his bed. But it seemed nonexistent. All he could do was stare at the ceiling unblinkingly until his eyes started to water from the strain, and even then, the tears wouldn’t fall.

“I hate this feeling.” He said into the emptiness of the room. It was still dark, the curtains being drawn blocked out any light from outside and Zen didn’t know what time it was. “I’d rather never fall in love then endure this feeling. Why won’t it just go away!” Zen’s voice was croaking from waking up and the emotion he felt. “I’m afraid!” His palms covered his eyes and he dug them in hard enough to feel it burn. “I’m afraid of loving because in the end I always love too much and they always leave! Everyone leaves, because I’m not good enough.” It was like he’d had an epiphany and his hands fell down to his sides. “I’m not good enough.” He let out a cold chuckle. “So that’s what it is.”

Zen closed his eyes and felt the relief of tears stream down his face. Finally, he thought.

He was brought out of his head by a buzz next to him. A chatroom had opened. Zen thumbed through his lock screen and opened the chatroom only to see Jumin and Mc. 

Great, and he couldn’t leave because Mc had already noticed he’d arrived. 

Mc: hey Zen!

Zen: Hello princess!

Mc: Jumin and I were just talking about Elizabeth 

Zen: Ugh don’t mention that furnall!

Jumin Han: then leave. 

Zen: Huh? 

Zen: just because you want to talk about your precious cat you want me to leave?

Jumin Han: me and Mc were having a conversation 

Zen: we were having a conversation too trust fund. 

707 has entered the chatroom...

707: heya!

707: oh! Have i walked into some arguing?

Mc: yeah but what else is new

Mc: I’m making pancakes! 

Mc: ansjdjajs 

707: wow Mc! You must be real excited about pancakes!

Jumin Han: Mc... she just burnt her hand and yelped. When I went to ask what was wrong she put her hand on my chest and said “so cold.”

Mc: you know I had to run with it Babe!

Jumin Han: ....

707: oh my god is Jumin pouting?!

Jumin Han: am not. 

Mc: Are too!

Zen has left the chatroom...

“You look happier.” Zen let his phone fall to the blanket beside him and held an arm across his eyes. “I really need to get over him. There really is no chance!” The tears seemed to start again. 

  
BAD ENDING...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you want a good/hopeful ending! Sorry it took me so long to finish this!


	3. Jumin’s POV (Unfinished Chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post the stuff I already wrote for this Bc I don’t know when or if I’ll ever finish this, I apologize loves

Hopeless lovers jumins pov:

The day he met Zen may have been the worst day of his life, but ranking all of his days is too exhausting to keep track of. He just knows it wasn’t successful. When he first met the male he could tell he would be a profitable model even before Rika had suggested he ask him about it. He had the body and the face of a model. His eyes and his hair were unique and Jumin couldn’t quite figure him out just from looking at him. It was an interesting feeling but not an unwelcome one. However, he rejected him. And he even called it a charity case. He would never give a job opportunity as charity. Jumin’s still offended that he had such an impression of him. 

“Well! Even though the job offer fell through, doesn’t mean we can’t all be friends!” Rika said with a smile and Zen seemed to agree with her. Whether it was to keep her happy or because he genuinely saw a friendship with Jumin was something he didn’t want to think too hard about. 

Jumin started to get the feeling they wouldn’t be good friends, after all, when they interacted in the chatrooms. They didn’t relate on the surface as much and Zen always refused Jumin’s offers of help. If anything it felt like they were complete opposites, but it didn’t seem to stop Zen from trying to make friends with Jumin. 

The white haired man came up to him with a wide grin and a bubbly aura. He threw a friendly arm around Jumin’s shoulder with a loud voice, “Hey there Jumin!” As if they’d been best friends all along. 

“Why are you always so touchy?” Jumin hadn’t meant it to come out so cold but he didn’t bother to change it, Zen’s opinion of him didn’t matter. Why should it? He made it obvious he wasn’t interested in partnering for his career. Other than that there was nothing Jumin sought to gain from him. It would just be a waste of energy. 

“I’m just really physically affectionate!” As if Jumin couldn’t tell already. “You’ll get used to it.” That drew an eye roll from the dark haired man. 

The feeling of the man’s arm on his shoulder and his loud voice seemed like a big energy drain and Jumin wanted nothing more but for this party to be over. He didn’t mind functions much but only for as much as he had to let on. He didn’t particularly enjoy in nonsensical chatter, small talk wasn’t his thing. He’d rather have an intelligent and intriguing conversation and if the person in question didn’t have that to offer then Jumin was already bored. 

“So how are you? Busy with the company?” Jumin suppressed another eye roll at the literal bare definition of small talk. Jumin wanted to just grunt in response but he figured he should be civil with Rika and V’s new friend and member of the RFA. 

“Like usual. I don’t do much else. Why aren’t you conversing with the other guests rather than with me?” Zen started to drone on about some excuse involving too much attention from women and Jumin decided to indulge in the wine in his glass. The biting bitterness on his tongue was addictive to say the least and he had to try not to drink anymore. He reveled in the sweet tingly after taste. 

“How pitiful.” Jumin hummed and Zen seemed to run with the two words of conversation he got. It was impressive how well he held a conversation on his own and to be honest, Jumin was glad by that. He wasn’t a really talkative person unless it was about the right subjects so Jumin supposed that was the only complimentary thing about Zen to Jumin’s own personality. Other than that they were totally incompatible. 

But still, “I was being sarcastic.” Jumin was almost in awe that the slightly shorter man, irrelevant revelation, wasn’t surprised in the slightest and admitted to expecting his every word to be sarcastic, and apparently his literal response was meant to be a joke. A bad one if you asked Jumin. He realized that the man was still talking and zoned back into the conversation. 

“These women are seriously going to end up ripping me to shreds with how much they cling to me.” An absurd statement with an awful imagery. 

“Why don’t you just tell them to go away?” Jumin was sure it’d be resolved if the man had simply told the women to stop. Apparently though, his comment earned him a gasp of indignation. 

“Because they don’t leave and I’m a gentleman with my words. I will not tell off a woman just because it’s tiring, that’s just impolite and so not beautiful.” Jumin figured the world beautiful was used often as a form of expression by the man. What a weird literary character but it seemed to fit his personality quite well. But the statement in general left the CEO confused. 

“Right.” Was all he muttered, not bothering to give a proper response to his confusion. 

“Whatever, I’m guessing you don’t have these issues with women.” Zen sighed. 

“No, I just ignore them and usually they leave... eventually.” Jumin went to take another swig from his glass only to be met with Zen’s dramatic declaration of why he’s single. The conversation from there ranged from Jumin’s poor etiquette on women and Zen’s poor etiquette on respecting Elizabeth the 3rd. But somewhere in the middle when the small talk wasn’t as quite boring as before, the man excused himself. Jumin still isn’t quite sure as to why. In fact he was starting to enjoy himself. But Zen decided to leave Jumin with his empty wine glass. Maybe it was because Jumin had put his hand to his forehead. Did the man not like being touched so frivolously? But that would be highly contradictory to his own actions of “physical affection”. Jumin didn’t bother to think of it any longer. The party was still a bore and ended soon after, much to his relief. 

The next time Jumin had encountered Zen was for an RFA congrats gathering. However, he was stopped shortly out front of the gathering location by the white haired man. 

“Zen? You’re here, aren’t we meant to meet up at the cafe?” Jumin asked with a curious tilt to his head, it looked like he was holding something behind his back. 

“Yes but i wanted to meet up with you first. Here,” Zen thrusted a rose out in front of him with a wink and his grin widened when Jumin accepted it. 

“A rose? What for?” Jumin wondered why he was being given such a trinket. Do people typically just randomly give out roses to their peers?

“Uh,” Zen started, “Just appreciating you as a member!” Jumin knew that was not the case. There had to be something more to it. Though there was no point in pressuring a proper response out of him. Even so, to be given a flower such as this. 

“It will die even if I place it in a vase...” Jumin muttered, roses sure are a pain to keep alive. 

“Did you want a fake one?” Zen rolled his eyes. That was an idea. 

“Well it would’ve lasted longer.” Jumin thought a fake rose much more efficient and less responsibility than a live one. 

“Seriously Jumin do you not have a single romantic bone in your body?!” The man yelled in what appeared to be frustration and raked his fingers against the back of his head. “Geez.” He muttered beneath his breath. Oh. 

“Romantic? Then this is a courtship?” Had he been reading this wrong? If Zen truly was trying to court him for whatever reason then the rose would make sense. 

“Of course you idiot!” The man yelled. 

“Oh... I see.” Jumin didn’t know what to say next. 

“So, what do you say?” Zen asked, he seemed nervous and his stance was closing off. 

“Um, well the flower will die...” Jumin was sure of that. He still stands by the fact that a fake rose would have been better. 

“About my courtship as you put it! Not the damn flower Jumin!” Jumin’s eyes widened. 

“Oh! Um well, we don’t really know each other that well.” Jumin was right, he barely knew a thing about the white haired man. They barely spoke in the chatroom and when they did they didn’t agree on most things. Was this a good idea? Did he even have time for a relationship?

“Well, then I’ll just continue to court you until you agree to a date and we can get to know each other,” Zen said with a proud puff to his chest, and a wink to Jumin. Jumin blinked, was he serious? Frankly, he doesn’t know how courtship really works but, if that was the case then...

“Right... well then I should have Driver Kim take these to my apartment to put them in a vase.” Jumin really didn’t want to let this rose die so quickly. 

Jumin learned that being courted was quite strange. And that he had to look up whatever symbol it was Zen had used to communicate with him in the halls of his work’s building. Though luckily enough he can read lips and got a gist of what the man had wanted. Even Though, Jumin was unsure as to why he wanted him to call him in the first place, he did it nonetheless. 

Jumin had just finished his paperwork at the office and stretched out a crick in his neck. It was dark out by the time he was finished and most of his employees were ready to go home so he called it a night. When he entered his penthouse he felt comforted by the white feline brushing against his pant leg and gave her a quick brush of his hand before he set his briefcase down. He then remembered his promise to call Zen that night and figured he might as well get it over with. 

The phone rang shortly and it almost made Jumin wonder if Zen had been waiting for him. “What do you want?” Were the first words he spoke into the receiver. 

“What can’t I just call you? Do I need a reason?” Zen’s voice entered the small silence of Jumin’s penthouse and it felt vaguely intruding but, the low tone of his voice gave way to another emotion Jumin didn’t quite comprehend nor did he bother trying to spend time on figuring out. 

“Well, not really but I figured you’d had a reason... if you don’t then I suppose I should go-“ Jumin didn’t want to waste time on small talk, especially when there was a bottle of wine in his cupboard with his name on it. 

“Ah wait!” Zen said with what sounded like almost desperation. “Don’t go! I want to talk more!” Did the man really want to talk to Jumin so badly? Well, perhaps he could humor him for a bit. Jumin decided to get in a more comfortable spot then standing by his window. He sat down on his sofa and crossed his leg comfortably. “Well alright then, go ahead and talk.” Jumin said. 

“Oh Um, right. How was your day?” Ugh, more small talk. Jumin hoped the entire night wouldn’t be like this. Talking on the phone was draining enough, he really didn’t want to be on the phone during his relaxation time with Elizabeth. Speaking of the feline, he made a quick rustle of his fingers on the floor and saw her white paws pad over to him. With a delicate leap she hopped onto his lap and settled comfortably under his hand. Jumin figured the man wanted an honest response so he gave a quick drone about the business aspect of his day. Hopefully it would bore him enough to hanging up on Jumin. It didn’t. 

“Mm,” Zen hummed. “Sounds stressful.” The low hum that filtered through the phone rested somewhere in Jumin’s gut. He felt strange. No one really acknowledged the stress part of his job. He never complained either so why would anyone bother bringing up something so trivial. But it felt nice to be recognized every once in a while, almost like a small weight had been lifted. But still...

“I suppose, but I don’t have time for emotions like that.” Jumin said. 

“You can though, you know. You’re allowed to feel Jumin.” Zen seemed to disagree. His tone was soft and not argumentative which came as a surprise to Jumin because technically they were having an argument. They didn’t agree, once again, on a certain subject. Though maybe Zen just didn’t get it, their work fields were quite contradictory and for Zen feeling emotions and expressing them were very important. 

“It’s useless in business.” Jumin decides to stand his ground despite knowing Zen’s differing opinion. 

“Perhaps but you are allowed to feel and be stressed.” This what a weird side to Zen that Jumin hadn’t expected existed. Zen’s voice was always soft and he never defended his opinion with harsh pride, simply stated what he believed and never fought hard against Jumin’s own belief. It was strange and almost completely out of the character that Jumin had created of Zen in his mind. Was he tired? 

“It will do me no good.” The conversation continued and Jumin wasn’t going to just let his place go. Emotions do him no good and he’d rather not indulge in them. 

“It’s healthy.” Zen sighed he seemed as tired of this fight as Jumin did. “It does your mind good and your heart. To let yourself feel.”

“.... I don’t need it.”

“Hm. Well alright, it’s not my business to judge you on your personal decisions.” Was that it? The argument was over just like that? That didn’t seem like something Zen would do though, Jumin didn’t know Zen very well. Still, it perturbed him.

“Why did you want to call Zen?”

“To hear your voice.” Zen said simply. What an odd reason. 

“My voice?” It was hard to believe. 

“Of course.” But he sounded so sure. 

“Why?” Jumin couldn’t accept it. 

“Because hearing it calms me...” Zen seemed strangely subdued today. Jumin figured his theory that he was tired was accurate. 

“... I don’t see how but if it does then, I assume something happened today?”

“Not in particular but, my manager was being a prick so I guess I needed it a bit. The photographer Seven had wasn’t the nicest and my manager decided to be even more uptight just to impress him. I don’t think Seven knew the photographer personally.” So Jumin was right. He wasn’t often wrong but to hear the actor admit something so easily only proved how tired he must be. 

“I see.” Jumin didn’t know how to continue this. He’s never been one for conversation, especially not with Zen. He usually only conversed with V and Rika and even then they never spoke like this. They never called just to hear each other’s voices and about each other’s days. Is this what courtship is meant to be like? 

Suddenly Zen’s voice filtered through the receiver In a calm tone. “Tired?” Jumin felt another strange emotion he didn’t bother to name. But maybe he was getting to vulnerable, because he answered honestly. 

“You have no idea.”

“Aw cute, you should get some sleep.” No ones ever called Jumin cute before. He didn’t know how he felt about it but he wasn’t about to protest over a little compliment. Was it a compliment? Maybe he would protest after all. What if it was an insult? 

“I’m not cute, and maybe I should. Though I’d have to end the call.” Jumin didn’t know why the thought almost saddened him. Was he actually enjoying such a fruitless conversation?

“Ah! I don’t want that!” Zen whined. Something about that statement in itself made Jumin’s stomach feel funny but the fact that it came from Zen made his head feel light. What is up with him tonight? This whole call is strange. Zen is strange. This courtship thing is strange. 

“But I want to sleep.” Jumin doesn’t know how Zen expects to let him sleep while also staying on call. 

“Just video call me so I can see your face and we can fall asleep on the phone together!” Jumin went silent. Video call? Does he mean the weird FaceTime feature on the phone that he never uses? Jumin didn’t realize people actually used that feature. 

“Why?”

“Because I want to.” 

“Why?”

“Because I like to see the face of the man I have feelings for.”

“You have feelings for me?”

“Of course I do. What do you think this courtship is for?” So he was serious about that after all. It felt a little weird to call him and see his face. Especially when he’s going to be falling a sleep. It felt invasive and vulnerable. Though, maybe it’d just be something to add to the list of weird things happening in this call. Jumin looked down at Elizabeth and she looked back up at him. He blinked slowly at her and smiled when she returned it. 

“I see, well if I can sleep and it will help you sleep then I suppose I don’t mind..” 

“Ah wait! Let me put on a shirt real quick!” Jumin noticed he was still in his suit. He’d have to change too. 

“Right, I’ll change as well so I can sleep comfortably.” This was weird. It was starting to feel like a business arrangement when he started to state his actions of what he’d do before the video call. Or maybe he was just overthinking it. 

“Then I’ll see you soon?” Zen’s statement seemed to be turned into a question, was he apprehensive? Or maybe nervous? Jumin didn’t know why but, it made him a little nervous as well. 

“Yes.” Jumin ended the call from his line and looked down at his lap full of cat. “I hate to ask you this but, could you let me up for a minute my dear?” Elizabeth looked up at him with a small mewl and round eyes. They shared a couple slow blinks and she stretched her hind legs out before moving from his lap. “Thank you my dear.” He gave her back and quick stroke then moved to his room to change. After he finished changing into his pajamas he settled into his bed and hesitated. Why was he hesitating? He felt something cool in the pit of his stomach and looked at his hand. Was he shaking? Oh, he must be nervous. What a meaningless emotion. How annoying. Steeling his reserve he called Zen using the face feature. The call immediately connected and Zen’s pixelated face came into view. 

“That was fast.” Jumin said. 

“Of course!” Zen said with a smile. “I was waiting for you.” Jumin can’t remember a time someone waited for his call so expectantly. It was nice. 

“I see.” Jumin didn’t know what to say. He felt awkward laying here and holding a phone up talking to someone before bed. It felt like vulnerability and he didn’t know if he liked it. He looked up from the pattern he was tracing with his eyes on his comforter to see Zen watching him with a calm smile. “What are you staring for?”

“Nothing, you just look beautiful even though you are wearing rich silk pajamas.” Zen sighed playfully. Jumin was not only confused by the sudden compliment but also the comment on his clothes. What else would he wear? He decided to voice his thoughts. 

“What am I supposed to wear? A tank top like you?” Zen’s face momentarily turned red and Jumin wondered what he must be thinking about. 

Zen suddenly coughed and in a rush spoke “On second thought, the silk suits you.” Jumin thought it suited him too. Though he never gave it much thought, however, having Zen watching him so intently made him glad that he at least thought it was a good look on him. What was he thinking? Did he actually care about Zen’s opinion on his physical appearance? This night just got more weird. As if to emphasize the end to the night, Jumin yawned behind his hand. 

“Sleepy?” There was something about Zen’s voice that made one word sound so... caring? Comforting? Jumin was so exhausted he couldn’t even think up the right word to use. Though he’s not sure he’d find it anyways, Zen was a total mystery to him. Jumin agreed to his statement and Zen himself seemed to be getting sleepy. He watched the man smile lazily and nod off into a quick slumber. It was, intoxicating to watch, almost. Was that the right word? Jumin didn’t know and frankly didn’t care much at the moment. His mind was filled with soft skin, white hair, and fluttering lashes. Jumin vaguely wondered what it’d feel like to lay down and watch him in person and not with virtual pixels. He wondered if his hair was as soft as it looked. If his skin was soft too. 

Jumin really didn’t want to trail down that line of thought but he’d never felt this way before. Was courtship supposed to feel this way? Would they end up dating? If they did would it be so bad? What would the others think? What would V and Rika think? What would his father think? What if their jobs got in the wa- A soft snore interrupted Jumin’s thoughts and he quickly silenced his irrational mind. Jumin looked at Zen’s peaceful face and felt his lips twitch up into a soft smile. Suddenly, Zen’s eyes fluttered open. 

“You’re still awake? Cutie,” Zen spoke with a gruff scratchiness in his voice. 

“I’m not cute.”

“Just believe me when I say.” Zen said.

“That sentence doesn’t make sense.” Jumin suppressed a chuckle. 

“Hush, I’m tired. Go to sleep Mr. CEO nighthawk.” Jumin grumbled bitterly and Zen chuckled. “Goodnight.” 

“...Goodnight.”

~•

Jumin doesn’t really know how he got here. Here being standing in front of his closet and wondering if he should wear jeans or slacks. He goes with the jeans, they’re the skinny type and seem more comfortable for a picnic. As much as others may not believe it, he does own comfortable leisure clothing for certain occasions. He doesn’t live in his suits, well, only because he works so often. Though when he looks at himself in the mirror he feels severely underdressed and decides to pair it with a pinstriped button down, silk, to make a statement. Can’t be too underdressed now can he? He looks himself over again and it brings him back to his original question. How did he get here? 

Well, it had started as simple flirtations throughout the week after falling asleep on the phone with Zen. Jumin admits he may have flirted back a couple times. But then Zen suddenly asked him out and Jumin said yes for some reason. Honestly it wasn’t very thought out on his part. There are so many complications that come with dating an actor especially a male one. 

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. Jumin looked himself one more time in the mirror and patted Elizabeth on the head as he walked passed her to the door. 

“Hi.” Zen said and he looked a little breathless. However, Jumin was struggling a bit internally as well. Zen’s outfit was form fitting and classy, it looked nice on him. 

“Hello.” Jumin responded. 

“Oh um this is for you!” Zen pushed the rose quickly in Jumin’s hands, only for him to realize it was fake. Jumin said as such when he came to his conclusion. “Well yeah,” Zen scratched the back of his neck. “You were complaining about the real one dying so I figured if this one is fake it won’t die.”

“Mm... thank you.” Jumin didn’t know what to think but he felt a warmth in his chest. Zen remembered. It felt... nice. Zen made him feel nice often it seemed. 

“Well should we get going?” Zen asked. Jumin nodded and set the rose down in a conveniently empty vase by the front of his door. Jumin had figured Zen would bring a flower simply because an article on dating 101 told him it was common, he also figured Zen enjoyed giving flowers out. 

Zen held out his arm and Jumin accepted it. It felt weird to be so close to him but at this point Jumin found he didn’t mind weird when Zen was involved. 

Zen wanted to take a motorcycle ride but Jumin was adamantly against it and after descriptions and reasoning as to why Jumin did not want to ride the death trap, Zen sighed and agreed to instead drive Jumin’s car. Jumin was not allowed to touch the steering wheel though, Zen was the obvious choice of driver. Jumin asked why he wouldn’t let Driver Kim drive them but Zen had to explain how unromantic a third wheel is and then had to explain what a third wheel was to the young CEO.

They had eventually arrived at a nice hill and had a picnic of wine and sandwiches as well as Zen’s couple cans of beer for his own pleasure. Jumin was disgusted when Zen drank beer right after the wine. It couldn’t have tasted good to him, this had to be a trick. But sadly it wasn’t. But Jumin could admit that the date had gone well. He frankly enjoyed watching the sunset with Zen. So much that he let himself relax his head on his shoulder. In return Zen had grabbed Jumin’s hand and held it softly in his own.

When Zen walked him to the door of his penthouse, Jumin halted. He didn’t know where he was going with this but he had a gut feeling and he wanted to try acting on it. He wanted to try to listen to his emotions just this once. 

“Jumin is everything alright?” Zen asked and Jumin couldn’t seem to drag his gaze up from the floor. 

“Why don’t you stay the night.” Jumin didn’t phrase it as question, was he supposed to?

“I- Jumin I can’t possibly- this was our first date it’s not gentlemanly to stay over night on the first date.”

“Oh, I see.” That wasn’t what Jumin had been hoping for. Why did it sting? It felt like... rejection. 

“Maybe on the second date though, how about next weekend, are you free?” Jumin seemed to perk up. Maybe it wasn’t a total bust after all. 

“Of course, how does Saturday night sound?”

“Sounds perfect. I’ll even call you when I get home ok? So you don’t miss me too much,” Zen winked and Jumin nodded. “Well then, goodnight.” Jumin nodded again and muttered a goodnight before closing his apartment door. When he was in the confines of his own home, Jumin let the smile take over his face. He had to touch his own face just to believe he was actually grinning so wide. How strange. Maybe trusting your emotions wasn’t so bad after all. 

~• 

Jumin takes back his previous statement about emotions. He absolutely hates them. From the start of the day he was absurdly emotional and could get barely any work done do to him overthinking so frequently. He wasn’t an indecisive person nor did he tend to overthink. But for some reason his suppressed anxieties about Zen and his new relationship seemed to reach its peak. 


	4. GOOD ENDING (unfinished chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to post what I had already wrote for the good ending Bc like Jumins POV I don’t know if I’ll ever finish this.

It was nearly midnight when Jumin heard a knock on his door. He didn’t expect to see a drenched and irritated looking Zen asking to come inside for the night. 

“Oh, you’ll need a change of clothes...” Jumin said when he noticed the water from the man’s hair start to drip onto the floor. “Let me get you a clean shirt and pants. Zen nodded, he seemed more subdued then usual, Jumin noted. 

After handing the man a change of clothes he showed him to the nearest bathroom. Suddenly he heard a fit of sneezing and hurried to the bathroom it was coming from. 

“Jumin your stupid cat!” Zen yelled from the bathroom. Jumin opened the door in a rush to see Elizabeth the third rubbing against a half naked Zen’s legs. Jumin heard Zen yelp and looked up to see him blushing and muttering something angrily before being pushed out of the bathroom. “And take the furball with you!” Zen yelled with a punctuated sneeze. 

From behind the door, Jumin could hear Zen sneezing heavier and heavier. Perhaps he had miscalculated how bad an allergy really could be. 

“There’s some allergy medicine on the bottom cabinet.” Jumin said through the door, leaning his back against it as he held a confused looking Elizabeth in his arms. She gave a light mewl and he pet behind her ears. Jumin listened to her purr and the sound of the cabinet door opening. 

“Why do you even have this?” Zen asked. 

“In case you were to ever come over.” The other man grew silent. Jumin wondered if he’d said the wrong thing when the silence only grew, he didn’t hear the cabinet close or any rustling. “Leave your clothes in the laundry bin and I’ll send them to be cleaned in the morning, If you need me I’ll be in the lounge.” Jumin decided to take his leave and give the man his space. 

Zen let the silence grow between them. What was he supposed to say to that? Who keeps specific, expensive, cat allergy medicine around for someone you hate? Well maybe hate is a strong word but still, Zen knew Jumin wasn’t going to be inviting him over anytime soon all Willy nilly, and Zen would never accept even if he did. 

This was getting to be too much of a hassle for Zen to bare. He had simply been trying to go home from rehearsals only to be stuck in the rain and having to walk to the closest shelter for the night. He wasn’t rich enough to purchase a room at any of the hotels around and he wasn’t going to walk a couple hundred miles home. He’d taken his motorcycle to the city for his rehearsals because his new project was going to be for a movie. His album had really picked up a following. But he couldn’t ride in the rain. It was by some twist of luck that Jumin lived nearby and he was even luckier that Jumin had happened to be staying in that specific penthouse. Zen’s starting to think it wasn’t luck at all. 

Being around the man feels much more awkward than being in a chatroom with him. Much more painful too. Weren’t him and Mc an item? If that was true then where was Mc? Was this his penthouse he used for his side companions? Was he cheating on Mc?! But that would make no sense as to why the furball was here. Zen’s mind is getting carried away and he decides to instead shrug off his clothes and change into the clean ones Jumin provided him. 

Luckily the shirt wasn’t pinstriped but it was a button down... and silk. Though the silk didn’t feel to bad against his skin. The pants however were a little too long and the waist was a little too big for his form. What, he has a tiny waist what can he do about it? The fit wasn’t a big problem though, it just slung a little lower on his hips and the ends of the silk pajama bottoms had to be rolled up. 

Zen threw his wet clothes into the hamper like Jumin told him too then mentally prepared himself to leave the bathroom. He’d taken the medicine so hopefully he didn’t die tonight. Though he wondered if his death would be caused by the furball or her owner. 

Zen took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door. Finding the lounge was easy. The penthouse was mostly open roomed and the only closed off rooms were the bedroom and bathroom, meaning the moment he left the bathroom he could easily spot the CEO sitting comfortably in his armchair, watching the streets outside of his wall lengthen window with a white cat perched on his lap. 

Zen walked toward the CEO and his cat but tried to keep his distance. 

“Hey,” Jumin looked up at Zen, “thank you for letting me borrow this...” the man nodded. 

“So why were you drenched on my door step?”

“It was pouring out, and you were closest...” Jumin nodded and look down at his cat. 

“I see, I assume you’ll be staying the night then, I should probably keep Elizabeth out of the way.” 

“Huh? And how are you going to do that? She’s a cat.”

“Well I’ll have to put her in the cage.” Elizabeth looked up at Jumin with wide blue eyes and a tiny mewl. Zen shook his head. 

“No need for animal cruelty trust fund, as long as she doesn’t rub against me again I’ll be fine. I took the medicine so I’m just going to trust it to do it’s job.” Jumin looked up at Zen like he’d sprouted another head. 

“How kind of you...” 

“Are you calling me a jerk?”

“Not at all.” Jumin suddenly sat up and set Elizabeth down by his feet. “Would you like a drink?”

“Sure, just water though, none of that fancy wine that is probably the price of my house- which I don’t get because it’s absolutely revolting.” Zen heard an unusual chuckle come from the man as he walked over to the island in the middle of the kitchen. Zen heard him grab some glasses and watched him walk over to a water filter. Rich bastard. 

Zen turned his attention away to get a good look of the penthouse. He hadn’t been to this one before. Well, he hadn’t been to many, but he didn’t want to think about the one he had been to. Zen noticed what looked to be a book collection and walked over to it. He quickly scanned the shelves for something interesting to take a peek at until he ran across a full black cover with no title on it. It looked to be book marked. 

“What is this?” Zen asked. He heard Jumin’s reply from the kitchen. 

“A novel.” Zen rolled his eyes. 

“What kind?” This time Jumin was standing next to him. Zen opened the novel to get a good look at its contents and when he opened it to its book mark he noticed something. 

“Oh that one, It’s a little inappropriate.” Zen slammed the book closed. 

“Wow, you’re into some pretty interesting stuff...” Zen suppressed a shiver when he heard the man’s voice right next to him. 

“I was simply curious and picked it up to satisfy that curiosity.” Zen set the novel back in its place. He wanted to be done with this topic and to be as far away from the man as possible. He said the first thing that came to mind. 

“I see, must come in handy with Mc Huh?” That was not what he wanted to say... 

“Hm? Speaking of Mc, you two seem pretty close...” Zen’s mind stopped thinking for a second. What? “It almost feels like we meant nothing. You move on pretty fast...” What?! Was he serious? Zen turned to look at the man and saw no humor in his expression. 

“What? I’m sorry- are you accusing me of cheating or something?” Jumin looked taken back.

“What? No I would never insinuate-“

“Listen, you were the one who walked out on me! And you and Mc are pretty close too! Actually, aren’t you two dating?”

“Dating? Why would Mc and I be dating?”

“You mean to tell me the flirting in the chatroom was nothing?”

“Well it’s not whatever you think it is.” Zen didn’t know if he should be mad or relieved. 

“What? What does that even mean?”

“Mc and I are friends.”

“Friends.... right. I’ll believe that when I’m not allergic to cats anymore.” Zen crossed his arms and cocked his hip. 

“Listen,” Jumin sighed. “Mc and I went on one date and it didn’t work out. There happy?” 

Zen didn’t know what to say. He wanted to say something along the lines of ‘dating must really not be your thing huh’ but he didn’t want to put the man in a bad mood and end up kicked out into the rain. 

“I see...” Zen was speechless. Fuck it. “Dating must really not be your thing huh?” Zen saw the hurt flash across the man’s face. Dammit, he should have kept his mouth shut. 

“I probably deserve that...” were they really going to talk about this? Right now? Zen never imagined actually having this conversation with Jumin, he just figured it was done with and would never be brought up again. 

“Hm, you probably do.” Zen cursed inwardly, why was he being so harsh? Yeah it’s true but doesn’t mean he has to say it to the man’s face. 

“Are we going to talk about this?” Jumin asked. Zen sighed. 

“On second thought, I’m going to need a glass of whatever you’ve got that’ll keep me from punching you.”

“I have a 1989 pétris,”

“Sounds expensive...”

“It’s a French wine, it’s either that or the Romanée Conti.”

“That sounds just as expensive.”

“Well the romanée is more expensive...”

“How expensive? Wait I don’t want to know.” 

“The pétris it is.” Zen sat down on the couch in the lounge as Jumin poured them each a glass of some infuriatingly expensive wine that smelled like pure debt. Zen took a hesitant sip, he wasn’t the fondest of wine but he’d take anything to not be sober for this conversation. Luckily it wasn’t too bad, he was just grateful to have an excuse to not respond to every sentence the CEO would say. And hopefully not end the night in a hospital trip. 

“Listen, I know what I did was probably not the best choice...” Zen kept his mouth shut and took a sip. “I shouldn’t have ignored you nor should I have done what I did that day but-“ Zen took another sip, it was almost like a drinking game. Drink when Jumin says something that pisses him off. “Please forgive me... I know what I’ve done but don’t blame me! I can’t help where I come from! My father never taught me the first thing about relationships and my mom wasn’t around.” Zen took another sip. Is he really not going to admit his faults?

“Running is something that we’ve always done...” Zen didn’t elaborate any further but he knew Jumin understood what he meant. 

“Well mostly I don’t know what I’m running from...” Jumin let his head dip and fiddled with his hands. Zen has never seen him like this before, he hadn’t even taken a sip of his wine. 

“From pity, from responsibility.” Jumin looked up. 

“You’re right. I guess I was afraid to take responsibility and face what I’d done...” Zen nodded. 

“I won’t say it’s ok because it isn’t but, I don’t want to stay on this topic forever so I’m willing to forgive and forget.” Jumin’s eyes seemed to widen but he looked off to the side. He looked guilty. 

“I don’t deserve to be forgiven.”

“Listen trust fund, accept my damned forgiveness and get over yourself. It’s been more than half a year now, it’s not like you can change what you did and there’s no point in beating yourself up about it.” Jumin looked back at Zen. 

“I understand, then if that’s what you wish, then I’ll accept your forgiveness.”

“Good, now I’m down to get shitfaced.”

“Don’t you have rehearsals in the morning?”

“Nope that’s next week, I’m free tonight to do whatever the hell I want.” As if to prove his point, Zen downed the rest of wine in his glass before setting it on the table and looking at Jumin to pour him another. 

“This is so improper, a pétris should definitely not be treated like this.”

“Shut it cat man! I need this alright?” Jumin poured another glass for the man. 

“Cat man, that’s a new one.” 

“Yeah, I’m working on more. What do you think of CEO of cat fur or something.”

“But I’m the CEO of C&R, It doesn’t seem funny in the slightest-“

“Ok Wallet,” Zen was startled by the choked laugh that came out of the man next to him. He didn’t know Jumin knew what that word meant. 

“You’re getting better,”

“And you’re using urban dictionary more I see.”

“It’s a very valuable resource.” Jumin said matter of factly. 

“Right- hey do you have any music or speakers or something?”

“Oh, I have a couple cds of Mozart-“

“Ew classical on a Friday night? Oh no, we need something like Pop or rock!” Zen spoke with exaggerated gestures. 

“Hm? I don’t think I have any cds for that.”

“Do you have a speaker and an aux chord?”

“Um i don’t think so...” Zen sighed into his wine glass. 

“Fine I’ll just use my phone.” Zen thumbed through his lock screen. 

“Why do you want music in the first place?”

“To dance, duh,” 


End file.
